When a Dr Disappoints

As you can read with my blog, you all know that I am on a journey to motherhood. You also know that I had a miscarriage and that we have done fertility treatments in 2011. On Friday January 16th, I followed up with my OB/GYN to figure out where we need to go from here. I figured that there would be some test run however that is not what happen.

I had went over my past with my Dr as she was new to my case. After listening to everything, she told me due to my age ( 33 next month) and previous infertility issue and my current miscarriage that she felt that I need to go see a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) as soon as possible. Honestly, I was taken back, I though that with weigh loss and have already achieving a pregnancy that she would want to look at a couple thanks before getting the specialist involved. It really put me off about her. I tried to look at it from her point of view and that she is the Dr and that she may be right. However, I felt even stronger that she was just passing me off.

After speaking with some friends today, I decided that it is my right to get a second opinion. To give my history to another Dr before spending hours finding a RE when the closest one is 3 hours away. I have always put my trust in my Dr however this is the first time in my 33 years that I question my own Dr. In the end, I may still end up in the RE office and that is okay. It is more an issue that I did not feel comfortable with my Dr answer and they way she address the issue with me.

FINALLY PREGNANT with a sad ending!

Even though I miscarried Oct 4th, 2014 will be marked as one of the happiest days off my life. I am in a sharing mood and thought I would share the story of how I learned that I was pregnant.  Yes, the person who had been trying to conceive a baby for 5 years didn't realize she was pregnant. 

On Sept 9, 2009 Josh and I celebrated our 5th anniversary with a day trip to Branson, Mo. While at Branson Landing we decided to make our "Hope" bear,with the idea that one day we would be able to hand this bear down to our child. Around Sept 22nd, some things started to change. However, I did not realize them at the time. 

There may have been an increase in fatigue, sore boobs, and the one thing that should of told me that there was something going on. My increased desire for DQ blizzards. I am not exaggerating when I say the craving was insane. The more chocolate the better. After the 4th consecutive day of my daily trip to DQ for that yummy goodness, Josh sat me down and expressed his concern for my new addiction.  I had gastric bypass surgery and downing a medium DQ blizzard every day probably wasn't the best idea. Disclaimer,  I did not eat the whole thing in one sitting, that would be silly. I could make it last most of the day lol. I told him it was just a phase and it would be all okay. These daily trips continued for about a week.

On Sept 29th I traveled to NE for 5 days to be with my friend when she had my god son. I learned that due to a horrible storm there was no cafeteria, the only food I had to choose from was a vend machine sandwiches. While heating up my COLD breakfast sandwich in the first 10 seconds the microwave stopped. And all the vending machines had lost power. I was so upset that I walked back to my friends room sat in the corner and asked to just be left alone for a bit. In reality, I could have drove the 6 blocks to the grocery store and bought the cottage cheese since that was what I was truly craving but idea of leaving the hospital exhausted me I had never felt such devastation over food in my whole life as I did at that moment. It is silly to think about as it really wasn't a big deal. I had a car and money and could have easily went somewhere else for food. 

During, these days at the hospital my friend and I had time to catch and we had discussed my infertility and where I was at with getting pregnant. She had this insane idea that I might be pregnant right at that moment due to some of the things I had told her that had been happening the last couple of weeks.  I was 100% positive that it wasn't possible at that time. I left NE about 4 pm for the 8 hour Dr home on Oct 3rd. During the lonely dr home I had thought about Carrie and I's conversation a lot. She was so instant that the possibility of pregnancy was great. I decided I would prove her wrong. So, once I made it back to Springfield I stopped at Wal-Mart and picked up 2 88 cent pregnancy test. I woke up the next morning, took the test and couldn't wait to text Carrie and gloat how right I was.

I grabbed the test to throw it away and thought I was hallucinating.  Insert ugly cry. I started to freak out (Moriah style). I didn't want to wake Josh until someone confirmed that I had not lost my mind. Since Carrie had a 5 day old baby and 2 little boys, I Didn't want to bother her, so I tried reaching my friend Becca. I decided I would photograph the test and send it to her to confirm that there was indeed 2 lines. Not realizing that it was 6:30  AM Cali time. After 5 min of her not answering and now being in hysterics, it was time to wake Josh up.

I grab the test and run into the bedroom crying my eyes out and jump on him. He was sleeping,  and sleeps like a hibernating bear at that. I'm crying and screaming for him to wake up. He wakes up and looks at me and I chuck the pee stick at his face and demand that he tell me if he sees one line or two. Still half asleep he says what, again I demand he look at the test and tell me if he sees I one line or two. Josh says "what are you talking about". I point to the test and repeat my demand. He grabs the test off the pillow beside his head glances at it and proceeds to hand it back to me saying "I don't know how to read this." Once more demanding he look at the fucking test and tell me if he sees one line or two. He looks at the test and says plain as day "there are 2 lines". I began to ugly cry more and start saying omg Josh I am pregnant, really pregnant.  Josh gets the goofiest grin I have ever seen and says really?. Still in shock I say well let me make sure and run back to the bathroom and take the other test (thank god I thought to pee in a cup). That test was positive too. 

Still not sure if I was dreaming, I demand Josh shower so we can go to the dr and I head to Wal-Mart for more Test. After a digital with the words pregnant,  I calmed down enough to head to the clinic to get blood test to confirm our pregnancy. Oct 4, 2014 is and will be one of the best days of my life even though it is the same day I learned that I might lose my pregnancy. We had finally did it, after 5 years we were finally pregnant. It is by far the best feeling in the whole entire world. Having that feeling, I can only imagine what it feels like to look into the face of your child for the first time.  I CAN NOT WAIT.

Progress Photo

 

 

Here is my progress photo. Right is 4/22/2013 weighing 383 lbs. and

 Left is 11/10/2013 weighing 273 lbs.

 

 

6 Months Post-Op

On Nov. 6th was my 6 month surgiversary as they call it in the weight loss surgery world. It has been 6 months since I laid on the operating tabled, signed the consent form allowing my surgeon to reroute my insides to assist with major weight loss. I still trip thinking about it. By now, you would think that it would have set in but it hasn't.

I have lost 110lbs since the start of my 2 week liquid diet on April 22nd and 140 pounds total. Wow, 140 pounds since June 29th, 2012. How amazing is that? I think it is totally fucking awesome. Something, I would have never been able to do without the help of gastric bypass. Having this surgery hasn't only effected me physical but it also takes your through a mental journey as well. That journey is the hard part for me.

I have been extremely lucky. During these last 6 months I have only been sick 5 times. First time was 2 days after surgery. I was already at home and on my "can have list" was diluted no sugar added apple juice. I sent J to the store for the apple juice as we didn't have any on hand. I even looked at the bottle when he got home and confirmed it was the correct kind. However, he did not dilute it enough  and after a few sips and an "Awe this taste amazing" I was running to the bathroom to throw up. I had my first experience with the "dumping syndrome". Needless to say I haven't had apple juice since then. So, the next experience was on the 4th of July. I had grilled pork chops and boy where they good. So good, that I ate 1 bite to many and my new stomach let me know that it wasn't going to happen. The pork chop came back up. I have ran into this 3 other times.

It's one of the reason's why I choose Gastric Bypass. I needed to have that physical restriction. That reminder that you CAN NOT binge on food anymore. It works out well. I DO NOT feel deprived of food at all. I have always loved meat and that is where most protein comes from. It works out. I hate that if the off chance I want to have a large slice of pie, or cake, or even a candy bar that I can not but it is what it is. I wouldn't change the way I feel today for any of those things.

So as far as what to expect to lose from surgery. With Gastric Bypass surgery, you are expected to lose 70% of your access body fat. My bariatric program expects me to lose 150 - 160 pounds from having gastric bypass surgery. With sticking to the program and exercising at least 4-5 days a week for an hour a day I hoping to exceed that. I am down 110 pounds so far so by their standards I have only about 40-50 pounds to lose before my weight loss stops. I am only 6 months post op at this point so praying that I can reach my goal weight of 175 pounds by Nov 2014. That puts me 18 months post op. With Gastric Bypass you lose weight up to 18 months post op. After that it is harder for the weight to come off.

Those are my ramblings for the day. Next time I thing I might touch on the subject of babies. Not an easy subject and all this plays a huge part in future babies.

Much Love Dolls

I suck at Blogging but wanna be good at it.

It's now Nov and I haven't updated since July. No big deal, I don't think anyone really looks at this but me. As always, I have so much to say and don't know where to start. So, much has changed since my progress photo update. I am down a total 140lbs. My life is so much better and my marriage has never been better.

I think I want this blog to be about the mental journey this has taken me on. Everyone can see the physical but the mental I only have access to unless I bring it out for the rest of the world. Now that I have a working laptop to make it easier to blog from I should be able to keep up this. I don't want to get into to much as it is 2:40am. I plan to make it my goal to atleast blog once a week or maybe more. At least once a week ago. For anyone that does see this, I can ramble a bit. I will try to stay on track as much as possible but if I don't ramble a bit it wouldn't be me. So for anyone following watch for updates.

Progress Photo

Just wanted to also add an updated progress photo. Here ya go...

Guess I,m Not Such a Good Blogger

Wow, it was been awhile since I last posted.  Need to figure out how to get on top of this blogging thing. So much to say, and there just don't seem to be enough space to say it all. My last post was Oct 10th and so much has happened since then. How can I sum up what happened between Oct and Feb. Hmm, I had my psychological evaluation, last weigh-in, met with nutritionist, and submitted paperwork to insurance for approval. It was a log process, much longer than I had anticipated it would ever be. My evaluation didn't turn out good and the Dr wanted me to have therapy before surgery. After working with the surgeons office they decided that they would be okay with scheduling the surgery after I had went to my first therapy appointment. I had my first therapy appointment on Jan. 4th. By the following week my paper work was submitted for approval. It took until Feb to get a response. DENIED!! I couldn't believe it. Why you ask. From the time that I started the process to submitting the insurance paperwork. My insurance changed where the approved places where to have the surgery done it. The place I was going through was no longer covered. I had given up. Little did I know that my surgeons office hadn't. They fought with my insurance company and was able to get the surgery approved. I got the call on Feb 25th. I was supposed to set up my surgery day with-in the next 30 days. Unfortunately, I couldn't schedule that quick. I had my 4 hour appoint and pre-op class on April 11th. Choose my surgery day for May 6th. I couldn't believe that FINALLY the time had come. It was such a mind fuck. I am glad that I waited until May 6th to have the surgery. I was able to fully prepare myself and to know 100% I want to take this journey.

I have now been on this journey for 9 weeks and it has been pretty uneventful. On April 22nd the start of my 2 week liquid diet I weighed in at 383lbs. I now weigh some where between 325 and 321. On the morning of my surgery I weighed 366. I have lost roughly 43lbs in 9 weeks. It's crazy and I still have days where I try to wrap my head around it. I feel exactly the way I did 4 months ago. I don't feel smaller and only notice it in how my clothes fit. I am excited to see what the next 10 months have in store for me. I think I am going to stop at this point. The husband is bitching for the computer and I want to get lost in thoughts and music for the next couple hours. PEACE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!

Oh and check out this song...it's one of my new favs, maybe even my new theme song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4